A CONTRACTOR’S DICTIONARY
(Courtesy of the Windsor Construction Association)
CONTRACTOR: A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.
BID OPENING: A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
BID: A wild guess carried out to two decimal points.
LOW BIDDER: A contractor who is wondering just what he left out.
ENGINEER’S ESTIMATE: The cost of construction in heaven.
PROJECT MANAGER: A conductor of an orchestra in which every musician belongs to a different union.
CRITICAL PATH METHOD: a management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.
STRIKE: An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.
DELAYED PAYMENT: A tourniquet applied at the pockets.
COMPLETION DATE: The point at which the liquidation damages start.
AUDITOR: A person who goes in after the war is lost and bayonets the wounded.
LAWYER: A person who goes in after the auditors and strips the bodies.
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